Question

Written 56-E05 [2024-11-14], Edited 56-E05 [2024-11-14]

Image credit: Twitter Twemoji

Do I have time for this?

If not now, then when?

Is their call center still open? When do they close?

What is their phone number again?

What number do I press to reach the human?

Was that an “n” or an “m”?

Am I allowed to just leave the envelope in the mail room?

But then why did that work last time?

And isn’t it weird that a courier would bring their own envelope?

How early do I have to wake up to get all the documents together before the courier arrives?

Why can’t I sleep?

Why can’t I wake up?

What should I carry out with me?

Is Staples open yet?

Which print shop opens earliest?

How cold is it out there?

Can I reach the print shop by walking indoors instead of outdoors?

Can you guys print my documents?

Why does it matter to him that it’s all personal government documents?

Where’s the nearest Staples?

When is Staples going to open?

Is it weird that I’m just hanging around this Staples?

How much will this printing cost?

Which credit card do I use?

Can I save 50 cents by setting this printout the black and white?

Should I buy an envelope?

Can I put this envelope inside an envelope if need be?

Which scotiabank branch should I go to get the bank draft?

What was the payee name again?

Is Toronto included twice?

What was the amount again?

How does the teller recognize the recipient of the bank draft?

Did the teller just say the recipient has a reputation for torturing customers?

Why is the teller having trouble signing in?

Why is the teller asking me to reinsert my card 5 times?

Why is somebody with a million dollar contracting business complaining to a bank teller about Interac being down?

Why do they even have cashless branches?

Is it just this branch which can’t get me a bank draft?

Is it every branch of scotiabank that can’t get me a bank draft?

What about my account at the credit union?

Should I walk to the credit union or take the bus?

Why is there so much traffic on the road?

Why didn’t I put on gloves?

Why didn’t I charge my phone?

Should I jaywalk on my way to the credit union?

Why does the credit union bank drafts look different?

Should I walk back home or take the bus?

Is there any harm in crossing the street?

Why didn’t I remember the construction which was causing all the traffic?

Can I reach the crosswalk without pissing off the construction workers and police?

Should I get on the bus?

Should I get off the bus?

Should I enter my building through the front door or side door?

Do I have time to look at the sunlight pass through the trees?

Which of these keys is right again?

Where should I sign on each of these documents?

Did I forget a document?

How come licking the envelope doesn’t work?

Why didn’t I notice the tear off adhesive strip?

Should I wait outside in the doorway or inside in the lobby?

Should I tape the label to the envelope?

Didn’t the guy on the phone say the courier would have their own envelope?

Am I seriously going to just wait here for the courier?

What if the courier takes 7 goddamn hours?

What am I going to do for 7 hours?

Do I have time to look at the sunlight pass through the trees, now?

Should I call my mom?

When was the last time I called my mom?

What did my mom mean by “student led conference”?

Wouldn’t it be funny if my mom’s students got the wrong idea?

Should I keep reading that book I carried with me?

How much battery is left on my phone?

What page am I at in the book?

How long am I going to wait?

Who knew waiting in a chair for hours doing nothing could be tiring?

Did I sleep enough?

When will I eat today?

Should I go back to my room to charge my phone?

Should I got back to my room to use the bathroom?

Should I head back down?

What if the courier shows up?

Can I just leave the damn envelope in the damn mail room and tape the label to it?

But what if someone else opens the envelope and reads the documents the print shop wouldn’t risk liability to print?

Hey is that guy the courier?

How long should I wait?

Hey is that guy the courier?

Hey are you expecting a pick up?

Why didn’t I tell him when he walked past me?

Why is he disappointed?

Why didn’t the guy in the phone say to bring my own envelope, put the label on it, and just leave it in the mail room?

Can you give me a couple minutes?

Please, just a couple minutes, can you wait?

How quickly can I get back to my room?

Where is the edge of the tape?

How quickly can I get back to the courier before he bails?

Should I even pick up my keys?

Will he be angry at me, pity my stupidity, or forget me?

Is this ordeal finally over?

Where did I leave my keys?

Feedback from The Joy of Writing Group

• (They saw the keys punchline coming)
• Trees line is more poignant than the keys
  • have it 3 times
  • Could be at the start and end
  • Can change the line and make it more meaningful
    • (Yeah the keys aren’t quite a great ending line since they’re rarely referenced)
    • (but it’s realistic that way lol)
• Never go to a Staples which also has a ServiceOntario