Astronomers

Written 54-F08 [2022-12-15], Edited 54-F27 [2023-01-03]

Image credit: Twitter Twemoji

Right after the department head pressed the button, the entire facility seemed to hum with activity. Gears and hydraulics pulled the Observatory open, revealing it’s vulnerable center to the night sky.

“The Hadfield telescope,” said the department head. “The finest astronomical instrument in the solar system. It took billions in funding to construct, and megawatts to operate.”

“Yes I understand,” Taylor the janitor began, but the department head kept going.

“It can see a raindrop in the bowels of Jupiter’s Great Red Spot, it can differentiate single grain of sand on the surface of Mercury, it can even see through the orange clouds of Titan’s heavy atmosphere.”

“And my job,” Taylor said, but the department head was not finished.

“This telescope, this monument to human ingenuity and industriousness, is easily the most valuable infrastructure on the entire planet. It is the eye which will stare into the abyss of black holes and the hairs of the Horse head Nebula.”

“Ok but what am I going to do with it, sir?” Taylor asked. She clenched her fists and said “What is my actual job here?”

“Look, Taylor,” said the department head. “I have a talk with the investors next week, you need to understand the marketing spiel, it’s a win-win for you to just listen for a moment.”

“I get it, I’m a janitor, I’m not a precious scientist like you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get to the point!” Taylor said.

“Oh you’re a fiesty one, aren’t ya?” said the department head.

“Ew,” said Taylor.

“Well you have a lot more to clean than just the lens, Taylor the ‘janitor’,” said the department head.

“Ew?” asked Taylor, worried about non-cleaning duties she might have in store.

“Look at the screens now, Taylor, what do you see?”

Taylor looked upon the screen behind the department head and gasped. She wasn’t looking at the Great Red Spot or Mercurial dust, but the White House in Washington D.C.

“That’s right Taylor,” the so-called ‘department head’ said. “The Martian Intelligence Service is the true operator of this facility, and you are here to clean up any evidence of our activities.”

Notes

This was written in 15 minutes during a Joy of Writing meetup.