Undergraduate

Written 55-E07 [2023-11-16], Edited 55-E07 [2023-11-16]

Image credit: Twitter Twemoji

The classroom was dark when the undergraduate walked in. He fumbled for the light switch to reveal an uninhabited, empty classroom. Not so surprising, given that it was about an hour before midnight.

The student placed an oily plastic bag on one of the tables, and sat at one of the hundreds of chairs in the massive chamber. “Must’ve spilled the sauce,” said the student to nobody, as he pulled out a container of fried dumplings.

The student started eating. He turned on his laptop and watched an hour-long video with a clickbait thumbnail about a topic he would stop caring about in three days. Whatever, he had all night. Tomorrow was Saturday.

When he finally opened his textbook his eyes glazed over. “I really picked the wrong program,” muttered the undergrad, “but I’ve already put so much money into it, not to mention years of my life.” Were he an undergrad in the Philosophy department he might have recognized the sunk cost fallacy, but he was a mere Engineer, and the textbook was calculus.

Suddenly a jovial voice said, “Hey buddy want to solve a differential equation with me?”

“What the actual fuck?” Asked the student as an anthropomorphic mathematic symbol stepped out of the text.

“Sorry for not introducing myself, I’m Dexter, the friendly differential!”

Notes

This was written in 15 minutes during a Joy of Writing meeting.

Feedback from The Joy of Writing group

• Was this written to attack me, specifically?
• Did the narrator do drugs? Are they suffering sleep deprivation?
• Does Dexter appear in asylums?