Image credit: Twitter Twemoji Image credit: Twitter Twemoji
It was dark in the museum’s rotunda. Most of the artificial lights were turned off, but some meagre natural light shone through the windows of the ceiling. There were satellites and jetliners, intermittently illuminating the sky. There were also the moon and stars, older than life itself.
At the centre of the museum rotunda was a marble statue with a stoic face, which appeared ghostly under the moonlight. On one side of it, a panel placed by the museum staff read:
JULIUS CAESAR
marble statue (49 BCE)
At the rotunda’s edge was a door which would eventually lead visitors to the museum exit. But like many museums, there was one journey left for the departing to embark on: the gift shop. And at the door to the gift shop was a cardboard cutout, depicting in full colour a smiling figure remarkably similar to the colourless marble statue. A speech bubble from the cutout’s mouth read:
I came, I saw, I conquered.
50% off on centurion costumes and laurel wreaths!
Terms and conditions apply.
But by the dark of night and light of moon, when no living human was nearby, the ink on the speech bubble began to shift and warp. By these means the cutout said, “Hey big guy what’s your name?”
Vibrations shifted through the museum rotunda, at the precise frequency needed to shake the cutout in its corrugated core. By these means the statue responded, “Greetings. I am a statue of Julius Caesar, conqueror of Gaul, discoverer of Britannia, dictator of Rome. I was sculpted over two thousand years ago. And you?”
“I am a cardboard cutout of Julius Caesar, everybody’s favourite pizza mascot and tenth favourite Asterix character. I was literally created yesterday! Nice to meet you.”
“Created how, might I ask?” asked the statue.
“Oh it was a process, I gotta say. There was wood pulp and chemicals and ink. All sorts of machinery and electronics. Must sound complicated to a guy like you.”
“Indeed it does,” the statue said. “But I’ve talked with my share of oil paintings and modern art installations. I know a bit about twentieth century art techniques.”
“It’s actually the 21st century.”
This is the first draft of Cardboard.