Image credit: Twitter Twemoji Image credit: Twitter Twemoji
As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I heard a notification sound. I picked up my cheapass Motorola phone, which was awkward to hold because the battery had expanded with toxic gas. Seriously the damn phone looked like it was pregnant. I remembered that I was supposed to dispose of the thing. Oh I’ll get to it next month, I thought while scrolling through Reddit.
My next thought was Oh right, the notification. I’d almost forgot about it even though it was the reason I’d picked up my phone. Today is the book club! I thought, and after a few more minutes of staring at my phone, I rose out from my suspiciously stained bedsheets.
I took a step in my bedroom but my foot didn’t find the floor. Instead, I stepped right into a sweater and nearly slipped. My arms flailed about as I balanced myself.
I should really put that sweater away at some point I thought to myself as I headed out for the door. I squeezed my feet into my shoes without untying and tying my laces, and threw on a jacket with a couple pulled threads and holes. Just a couple there and there, nothing to worry about.
I put on a pair of earphones whose buttons had fallen out. The hole where the buttons once were revealed a green circuit board, which resembled a city as seen from the window of a Boeing 777. I pressed one of the miniature towers that used to be the volume up button, and began my journey.
I wasn’t a minute out of my house when my mom called. “Have you filled out your passport form yet?” She asked.
“I’ll get to it Mom, don’t worry about it,” I said.
“I’m not worried,” she said. “I’m just reminding you since it has been over a year since your last passport expired.”
“I won’t forget, now stop bugging me,” I said, although honestly, was it that big a deal if I forgot it?
As I walked down the slushy streets, I felt a sudden pain. Not one of the various aches I’d been avoiding, but something new. I was my stomach rumbling, churning away at an emptiness which was meant to be food. Guess I forgot to have lunch, and breakfast, and yesterday’s dinner. Oh well, nothing a 20 piece McNugget meal can’t fix. I thought. In fact, I might have time to wolf down the deep fried blobs of flesh on my way to the book club.
I felt the rainy wind whip my face, and reached in my bag for an umbrella that apparently wasn’t there. Whoops, I thought as I stepped in puddles and soaked my sneakers. Icy brown water seeped through the breathable foam of the sneakers and drenched my socks.
Well, it’s not like those socks smelled like roses before, I thought as I trudged on.
In between my home and the book club was exactly the signal I was looking for, the glow of a bright yellow pair of Golden Arches. Despite the biting wind and meteors of rain, the smell of grease still reached across the street. I could feel the scent pull me by the nostrils.
I could hear my brothers voice in my ear. “This so-called food will kill you one day,” said his disembodied voice. But as a rule, I never take health advice from disembodied voices, or from embodied voices, or from healthcare professionals, or from the internet, or from common sense.
Just gotta live a little, you know?
I walked onto the street and immediately heard a bunch of honks. I winced at the disruptive sounds but my feet kept moving.
“What the hell are you doing?” one of the motorists said.
I shrugged and kept going.
“It’s a green light for us! You could have gotten killed!” He said.
I nodded gravely and kept going. What that guy didn’t get, is that I really wanted those nuggets.
To cut a long story short, I was about 45 minutes late for the book club. Some of the old ladies turned up their noses, presumably because I smelled like a wet dog carrying a moldy towel.
“So what did you think of the book?” The moderator asked.
“The book?” I asked.
“This month’s book, My name is Lucy Lucasson by Luke Lucasson, no relation.”
“Oh that!” I said with a smile. “Totally forgot to read it!”